Drugs Fund Terrorists

After my last rant on the brilliant Verizon commercial, I know have to extoll the genius of the “Drugs Fund Terrorists” ads. The assertion here is that, somehow, each time your local no-good, head, or general pothead buys themselves a dime bag, Osama Bin Laden comes that much closer to building a nuclear bomb. Ridiculous.

The problem with anti-drug ads in America is that they’re bullshit. The first time a high schooler takes a toke of a joint, they realize this: that their parents, guidance counselers, teachers, and even the previous TV ads, are complete crap. Maybe if we stopped lying to kids about drugs and sex, feeding them lines to mold them, and then, when they experience things on their own, dismissing everything we’ve ever said as bullshit, we might make some progress. Instead, we tell them that Johnny’s dope is keeping Saddam in power.

I just saw an even better one. Two kids sitting in an office-like room with a bong are talking about your usual crap: useless, pointless, teenaged quips. We glimpse a few quick interchanges, and then one finds a gun.

Teen Dopehead 1: (holding gun) “Look at this!”
Teen Dopehead 2: “Whoa! Is it loaded?”
Teen Dopehead 1: “Nah…it’s not…” BOOM!

The gun discharges and we’re left to imagine the fate of Teen Dopehead 2, who I’m assuming, we’re to believe is now dead. This, the ad implies, is due to the distortive capabilities of pot. Nevermind the fact that Teen Dopehead 1’s moron father left a loaded gun unlocked in an office that the kids feel comfortable enough in to smoke a bong. What a load of crap.

Look, you don’t have to be a smoker to feel as though we’re handling the drug problem incorrectly in America. It’s obscene. As a parent, when I have kids, I think I’ll be honest with my children. I’ll expect that they’re going to be sneaking dime bags out of the house in their socks and stuffing cigarette papers with weed. I won’t pretend it doesn’t happen. I’ll be honest with them, respect their decision, and hope to control it.

Now, I have some errands to run, and I need to go fill my car up. Maybe if people would stop smoking pot, gas might not be so expensive. Sigh.