Acronym Soup: A Short Story

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I booted up my QNX OS and tried VNC to my AIX box. Just then, I noticed a BSOD on my NT PC, which explained why I couldn’t RDP to it, but my data was probably safe thanks to VSC. “ic” someone wrote me on IM, and I quickly typed “BRB.” I jumped into my BMW to get to an ATM, and I drove through KFC. When I got back, I booted up my BSD machine and logged into KDE to check my files stored in UFS. It looked great even though I wasn’t using AIGLX, my ATI card showed my GTK and Qt apps looking A-OK.

I sat down and decided to write a program – but should I use ASP with VB or PHP? How about JSP? It didn’t really matter, because I was going to export into XML so I could use a DTS and SQL to import into my db. Since I was running BeOS, I decided that it would best to write my code in C with XHTML, so I just had to choose an IDE that worked with the API I had chosen. But my friend J.R. the MCSE told me he wanted it on his HP PDA and T.J., who is an RHCE and a CCNA, wanted it on his PSP. I decided to GPL whatever I wrote because the FSF would like that.

So I fired up my PC and booted Win Me. I had some old VB EXE files I wanted to review. Just then, some SOB asked why I was running Me and I asked him to keep it on the DL. He said “F U.” I kept track of my DLLs in an XLS file, and I had printed a PDF of the TOC. Outside the cubes, I could hear two VPs debating BFS vs. ZFS. One said he wanted ZFS to replace HFS. The other said he just wanted a fast CPU, a DVD RW, and a quality GPU. Since he bought his stuff OEM, he wanted to upgrade his PCI card to an AGP or PCI-X, but not until he bought himself a PCMCIA NIC. They talked it out, until it was ZFS, FTW.

“What’s your favorite app to open an RTF file?” someone asked me, and I said that I saved my work as TXT. But his docs were on a CD that discussed the benfits of SATA over IDE. So we plugged in an ATAPI (AKA EIDE) drive and since Me is UPNP, it opened. My screen was SVGA, but the system didn’t have USB. I got lots of IRQ errors.

We dialed into a BBS and cleared our ARP cache so ensure clean TCP/IP transfer. Someone wanted an a MP3 file, so I jumped on IRC and gave him a URL to DRM’ed AAC and WMAs. He got an HTTP 404, so we decided to FTP it or grab it off NNTP. The login ran through a CGI file, which failed, so I checked the FAQ. It required XP, but when I logged in and loaded AIM and MSN and my favorite XMPP program, I had a problem with my DNS, so I was SOL. I moved to OS X and dropped from the GUI to the TTY to try an SSH connection, but finally I used a PPTP VPN over my LAN via my DSL which uses the PSTN. I’m careful because, AFAIK, my ISP records my IP and blocks UDP, but then… IANAL.

Just then I was craving some TCBY. IMHO, TBCY is great, though YMMV. I emailed my buddy over SMTP from a machine running XFLD with XFCE, and he sent me a reply encoded with GPG. FYI, He was playing a MMORPG. FWIW, another friend, a real PITA, was writing a WYSIWYG HTML form.

It was just about closing time in UTC (AKA GMT), and IDK what came over me – I starting ROTFLMAO.



  1. Do you think you could possibly expanderate (= explain + expand + elucidate) the acronyms in a parallel entry? I am at a loss of words (LOW) on many of your acronyms. Even if you don’t, it is a brilliant entry and indirect commentary on the modern preference for the short and brief and swift and least labor-intensive (and thus most practical) in either typing or speaking or writing. Save time, save bandwidth, save wear and tear on your keyboard keys, save the scanning vision and eyesight of the reader. It seems to be a fully justified.

    Perhaps this is a rule-of-thumb for human behavior. Faster ways to communicate and travel. Higher densities in dwelling. Maybe English spelling should reviews its redundant letters and get a UNIFON (not an acronym)-like script.

    And, ah, lower case is so informal, so pleasant to look at, like a typed letter, a primary reader, or a poem (especially by e.e.cummings) or a blog i.d.. much less stressful than capital letters. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! RSVP!

    Acronyms are not as personal as seeing the whole word, though. But then if we use them enough, the acronym becomes the whole lexical unit that we recognize. The problem also is that you have to say the letters of the acronym one-by-one. It is like s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g a word, instead of saying it.

    But how about Hebrew? Do they include vowels in their words? I have seen some websites with G-d for God, as Hebrew leaves out vowels, at least in its word for Yahweh, which is read from right to left. (See another blog entry on this I have at this link ). (Why doesn’t the Insert Link button work? Maybe it is not Firefoxed.

    Scripts and fonts are so diverse. Thy vn sy tht y cn ndrstnd nglsh wtht vwls. Vowels seem to be as vaporous as the airstream that they are made of. Mysterious, isn’t it? Vowels represent the spirit, events, causation. Consonants represent the world of forms. Objects, ideas, matter, linguistic expression, circuit boards, things, integument. Are consonants the heavyweights, and vowels the featherweights? The vowels are all pure airstreams, spoken and sometimes sung. I think English has about 32 distinct minimal pair vowel sounds, and about 11 consonant sounds. The interrupted airstream of the consonant perhaps in English has fewer possibilities.

    But what about other languages? Hawaiian has five long and five short vowels and eight consonants, less than half of the number of sounds that are in English. Esperanto has 5 vowels and 23 consonants, of which two are semivowels.

    How are vowels written in other languages? As interspersed add-ons to the consonant character (some in Hindi are like this, I think)? As equal space-takers, with side-by-side importance as consonants? As little diacritical marks above or below beside the consonant character? Are Persian and Arabic like that?

    Telegu and Tamil and Thai scripts are quite circular (but still phonetic). I wonder if they have acronyms, too.

    Is an acronym a kind of visual macro? The arrangement of letters triggers a subscript procedure in our memories, gets the ATP going, and mentally expanderates the acronym, and quickly and we zips the meaning over to our consciousness or semantic (left side?) part of our brain, and we catch the meaning.

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