5406 tracks, 29.18 GB on disk, 17 days

Only 2699 have something in the “play count” field.   I’ve noticed that for whatever reason, it doesn’t register a play count unless you finish the song. Also, many of these were in an iTunes library on a previous PC. This library actually goes back until about 2000, was first in iTunes on Windows in approximately 2003, and was first moved to an iBook in 2005, and was finally rebuilt on my second Mac, a MacBook Pro in 1996.  Since then, it’s been ported to two different iMacs.)

Most played tracks:

1. “Shankhill Butchers” by The Decemberists (104)
2. “Tennessee Jed” by The Grateful Dead (104)
3. “Leslie Anne Levine” by The Decemberists (101)
4. “Terrapin Station” by The Grateful Dead (100)
5. “Circle” by Portal (99)

Most tracks by the same artist:
1. Phish (442)
2. The Decemberists (112)
3. DMB (110)
4. The Beatles (71)
5. Pearl Jam (68)
6. The Pat McGee Band (61)
7. Guns N Roses (51)
8. The Grateful Dead (48)

Oldest track added in iTunes library: 3059 tracks added on 4/11/06
Newest track added: “Alaska” by Phish: 1/2/2010

Shortest track: “Wilkins Hyundai and Suburu” by Peter Griffin: 7 seconds
Longest track: “35 Minute Jam” by Iron Maiden: 35:33 minutes

Lowest Bitrate: “It’s Gary Shandling’s Show” 19 kbps (mp3)
Highest Bitrate: Several self-ripped WAV files at 1411 kbps (wav)

The problem here, as is often the case, is that this device is not built for geeks. In truth, the iPhone isn’t either. But it’s an undeniable success, largely because it solves most of the problems people have with computing interfaces: single vs double click, right click vs left click, app install, the HFS, etc. And the iPad will be a huge success too. Let’s take a deeper look.

The biggest complaint heard round the world is the lack of multi-tasking. Let’s be straight about this: that’s a friggin’ software issue! It’s widely rumored that some sort of light multi-tasking is part of iPhone OS 4.0, we know the demo’ed iPad was running 3.2 beta. So it’s fair to expect that this could come in a future update. But if it doesn’t, it’s still fixable if Apple determines that lack thereof is a major weakness.

I’ve heard people complain about lack of Flash. I couldn’t care less about Flash. Flash is a total monkey on the shoulder of the internet. I have an iPhone, I pretty much never miss it. Every site that relies on Flash is a poorly designed site I don’t want to visit. Flash is NOT coming to iPhone OS. Here’s why, in a nutshell: there are no runtimes on the iPhone, Flash is a runtime; Apple supports only one native platform – through their own SDK; Flash is the most unstable part of OS X; and most importantly, Flash is quickly gaining the reputation of being the #1 source of vulnerabilities, which Apple does NOT want to inherit. Since it’s closed source and controlled by another company, it ain’t happening, and not only don’t I care, I bet most others don’t either. And the proof? Literally millions of sites have built iPhone specific versions of their sites. With Android and WebOS both sporting compatible Webkit-based browsers, those sites are getting to be “smartphone” type sites, but people are clearly hearing the word of the future: you can’t depend on a plugin for the core of your site.

Third largest complaint we hear is that people could just buy a laptop. Sure, you could, but the iPad is a supplement. I have a 24″ iMac and it sits in my office. I don’t always want to get up to check my email, browse Google Reader, or fool around on the web. It’s a great lightweight extension of my Mac. I don’t need a whole new desktop with a whole new library of data in iLife. I don’t want a big old laptop. With the laptop, I hold the keyboard portion, and inevitably, my kid comes up and pulls on the lid which bends back out of my way. It gets 4 hours of life if we’re lucky, so it’s always plugged in. It’s pretty hot, so it usually rests on a cushion or a laptop pillow. The iPad is light, one piece that can be aligned to my liking, and has a much better battery. It’s a near perfect supplement to my current computer, because it works as an EXTENSION of my current Mac, not in addition to.

Next up is the bezel. Yes, people are complaining about the border around the screen. Apparently, these ninnies would prefer to grip their movie player with their fingers overlapping the content. This one is too stupid to address seriously.

I’m sad to say that the biggest yammering I’ve heard around town is that “Apple fanboys will slurp this up”, as if anyone who wants one is too lovedrunk to think clearly. This arrogant tenant is especially silly given that the iPhone is pretty much an iPad nano plus a phone. If you just wanted a phone, there are much better choices than the iPhone. Flip phones last for days or weeks without a charge and certainly connect more reliably, but people wanted iPhones. Does this sentiment extend to ALL of them? I suppose the 21 million active iPhone users are all blind Apple loyalists as well?

Some people have said, based on real experience, that this is a 1.0 product, they’ll wait for the revision. But to me, this one is just ignoring history. The old computer catch 22 is “this will be outdated in 6 months.” That’s still true. The next revision will always be better. But the iPad is not a rev 1 product, it’s a rev 4 product. It’s an evolution of the iPhone. Yes, it has a new chip, but so did the 3Gs. The 3G had the first 3G antenna. Every rev has a first generation of something, but this is obviously a revision (maybe a big one, but still a point release) of existing hardware.

HDMI out? Seriously? Is there ANY “average joe” who’s going to use this? I think a TV out connector is probably fine for most that require the iPad to be a portable movie player. You have to remember that Apple doesn’t – and has no history of – catering to geeks when they can cater to the masses. The device is a device “for everyone”, and that usually means leading edge technologies are not included and geeks are disappointed.

I’ve heard quite a few people sharing how a netbook is so much cheaper, yadda yadda yadda. Puh-lease. But these are facts: virtually every netbook I’ve used is SLOW SLOW SLOW. They almost always run either XP – which is not only old and clumsy on a tiny screen, but has a sordid history of becoming slow and broken for most users, or Ubuntu, which is a total mystery to the average guy, and also has an even more complex install system. Netbooks have tiny screens and ALL of the same problems and confusions that traditional computers have had when it comes to most users. My mother still names documents with additional underscores so they move to the front of the folder list, and she has no idea where she saves anything… My Docs, Desktop, root of C, etc. I see this all the time, people can’t manage a traditional install, that’s why they need geeks. Except… they don’t with the iPhone, and they won’t with the iPad. The netbook is a joke compared to an iPad. You show me an HP Slate, I’ll show you an LG Voyager or some other would be “iPhone Killer”. Almost everyone’s response to the iPad is already an also-ran, because it will most likely be based on Windows or Linux, and it will almost certainly fail where the iPhone OS has already succeeded. I think the only hope here is that Android evolves over the next few years at this continued rapid pace.

Another complaint being tossed around is the lack of a physical keyboard. Are we seriously still addressing this? Did the lack of physical keyboard stop the iPhone from selling something like 75 million units? No. Because this device is all about touch, and the virtual keyboard is going to be just fine, just like it is on the iPhone for the vast majority of people who use it. After 20 minutes of using the iPhone keyboard, I was comfortable and much more accurate. I’m sure the iPad will be the same way. Yes, software like Pages seems odd without a keyboard. I suspect it’s more for viewing and quick editing than it is for full creation. It’s a supplementary device, not a full on computer. Non-issue.

There are definitely some legitimate complaints against the iPad.

1. At 1024×768, the resolution, and aspect ratio, leave me wanting more. Widescreen videos will require zoom or letterboxing, which means I lose content or real estate. Boo.
2. The name iPad is horrible. If I have an accent, iPod and iPad might sound the same.
3. Still no wireless syncing!?
4. No SD slot for media? The “shared directory” is a nice concept, it could show up like the camera does as mountable file storage. I hope it’s writable, but I bet it’s not. Native SD slot would have been nice.
5. No camera. I’m not sure I really care about a camera, per se, but I certainly think the ability to video chat would have been an incredible sales point for this device.
6. Lack of format variety. I can’t believe Apple can’t add support for AVIs and MPGs to the iPhone, iPad, AppleTV, and iTunes. Also, I don’t get why Apple doesn’t just add FLAC support to iTunes.

The biggest and most valid complaint is that once again, we’re locked into the arbitrary and closed App Store. This is, by far and away, the most legitimate complaint. But, we live in a capitalist world, and the best of breed will succeed. People are generally okay with this. Once again, the masses have accepted something less than stellar. People will jailbreak their iPad the same way we’ve jailbroken our iPhones, and once again, we’ll be a small group in a large pool of users. This practice by Apple is horrible, and I predict it will eventually lead to a Microsoft IE style lawsuit that requires Apple to open up not just the App Store, but maybe even the iTunes Store as a whole to competition (meaning a separate store on the device that can manage apps, or another way to get apps on the phone without going through Apple).

That said, I’ll likely be getting an iPad at some point. It’s a fantastic complement to the big iMac in another room, an extension of my data, and a great surfing device. The 16GB is plenty for me now (The 64 GB would cover my entire MP3 and iPhoto libraries, but not with enough growth space, so the 128 may be the magic point for me), but I’ll probably want the 3G just so the device isn’t confined to my living room 100% of the time.

This is all my opinion. No question about that. But some of it is steeped in fact. Geeks looking for a geek friendly device were bound to be let down. Those suggesting that the iPad can’t meet someone’s needs unless they are drinking the Apple Kool-Aid are high on their own pompousness. And those who don’t want one, well.. they’re entitled to their own opinion and can pass on this device. But those who suggest this is going to be a failure… check back with me in 18 months. My money is that I’ll be the one saying “Toldja so.”

It struck me how old the entire thing felt, and how silly the technology was. It got me thinking about a franchise reboot, and then it got me thinking about what Robocop would be today, if he were re-envisioned.

The first thing I noticed is that Robocop is slow and deliberate, and when his “joints” move, they produce a hydraulic buzzing sound. So we’ll need him to be smoother in movement, and without announcing his presence. He’ll need to be significantly lighter on his feet than the slow and heavy-stepping original.

The original sported an eye plate, that stretched only a centimeter in height and a few inches in wrap. That will need to change to be supplemented by smaller cameras that can give Robocop a 360 degree view of his surroundings.

Since Robocop was severely damaged after being caught in a magnet, we’ll need a better metal. I propose new Robocop be constructed of a smarter, so-called “space age” metal such as titanium, tungsten, or magnesium.

The original Robocop recorded interaction on an in-body video camera, presumably storing it digitally, which was pretty amazing for the 1987. New Robocop will not only record interaction to a bank of flash memory or some sort of SSD array, but he will be equipped with Wifi and some sort of cellular connection like LTE or WiMax (he’ll be in a big city, so we can presume coverage). He will transmit all of his data periodically, so he won’t need to storage terabytes of memory in-body.

New Robocop will not have exposed skin (or internal mechanics). Period.

Original Robocop stored his gun in his leg. This is an outdated concept based on a concept that looked cool in the 80’s. Today’s Robocop will store multiple weapons throughout his body, small rubber-bullet-like projectiles perhaps in his forearm. We can equip his chest or fingers with mace or tear gas. If he requires an actual gun, it will be not be trigger deployed. It will be activated only when connected to Robocop, and very likely controlled via WifiDirect or Bluetooth. There’s simply no good reason to rely on old fashion triggers that can be exploited. In the event of system malfunction, a manual weapon will be present, but since Robocop shouldn’t be relying on his gun most of the time, he will have a nightstick of some sort.

New Robocop should not have an over-synthesized voice.

One of the constant flaws we saw in Robocop 2, as they attempted to build a second Robocop, was the lack of control they had over the machine. We fix this by running the Robocop program on a Linux-based system and jailing/chrooting it. New Robocop can do what he wants, but if he gets out of hand, we still have control. We allow remote SSH logins from authorized IPs, and sudo up to root guaranteeing ourselves a remote shutdown option. No sloppy infrared remote control here, just pure IP access.

Once Robocop is a computer, we’ll need a few more accommodations, because that becomes the chief point of vulnerability. We’ll need pretty sophisticated software here to prevent someone from hacking into Robocop, but that’s of course the plot of the movie, I’d suggest: someone hacks into Robocop remotely and alters the programming, and despite Robocop’s knowledge that he’s been compromised, he’s unable to prevent his own actions since he’s jailed into a subdirectory. The twist at the end, I’d suppose, is that some hot-shot teenage hacker finds an exploit and jailbreaks Robocop remotely, thereby giving Robocop the ability to control himself, at which point, he pretends to be following orders, but instead, tracks down the guy controlling him.  Right before his death, the guy should shout something like “But… I’m your masterrrrrrrrrrrrrr….!”

One of the unaddressed issues I saw with the robotic cops in the movie was the perpetual need for a lubricant like oil. It seems submersion in water would simply short out all of these solutions. So I’ll reiterate the lack of exposed skin and mechanics, and we’ll spend some time making our Robocop water resistant and reuse some sort of internally stored WD-40-like fluid, which is also “green.”   It would be a shame to build a billion dollar robocop only to have him quashed by a bucket of water.

I’d like to see Robocop be a little less terrifying to the average citizen.  Robocop ought to represent something, and cops are supposed to be there to protect and serve the average citizen, not just to get the bad guys.   So Robocop ought not be stomping around the police station and calling people “punk,” nor should he be be marching into an arcade, smarmily offering “Isn’t today a school day?” Nein, Robocop should be there for citizens, first and foremost.  We’ll disable his sarcasm and “witty quip” programs.   Robocop should offer an air of protection, not a fear he’ll malfunction.

Lastly, if I’m going to invest a billion into a Robocop, I think I might put him in something a touch nicer than an old, banged up Ford Taurus.

At heart, I’m a stats geek. Maybe not like Zzyzx, but certainly I’m interested in the stats. I’m incredibly interested in Phish setlist construction, and hope that one day I find myself in a situation where I can interview Trey about it. “Why,” I would ask, “does a song like, say, Camel Walk, only appear every 50-some-odd shows? Is that intentional? Why premiere Glide II only to drop it seemingly forever? Are there ever permanently retired songs, like, perhaps, No Dogs Allowed, Dear Mrs Reagan, and Jennifer Dances? Can we ever expect to see Eliza again?” I would assume that, like most musicians, Phish collectively enjoys playing some songs more than others, but is that reflected in the setlist? If they don’t like a song, why would they play it at all… or write or perform it at all? Maybe it’s purposeful that they “create” rarities? I wonder, do they maybe love playing Harpua, but intentionally not overuse it so that its appearance heralds a special show? Why not just unleash a hose of rarities during a tour knowing it would make fans very happy^[1]? Unless these some songs are purposely rarities? Will Alumni Blues ever rejoin the setlist as anything other than a super-rarity?

What about common songs? Is Trey aware that AC/DC Bag has opened no fewer than SIX shows since November 1? Did Phish decide to showcase Kill Devil Falls more times than any other song off of Joy because they feel it’s the best song, or was that just coincidence? Are they purposely playing songs like Llama less frequently, or are they simply not remembering it during on-stage setlist construction? Will Time Turns Elastic get its due, in time, when it is a rarity?

In the end, the whole debate is, at the same time, pointless and essential; it is, one on hand, irrelvent, and on the other, the heart of what makes Phish so interesting. If they played rarities all the time, they wouldn’t be rarities and a large part of the fun of Phish shows might be lost. But we all go to see them play, and even songs of which I’ve personally grown a bit tired, such as Stash, still manage to steal the set from time to time, most notably night one of Festival 8. It’s not so much what they play as much as how they play it. I’ve learned that even Character Zero, once you get past the lyrics, can be just as interesting a jam vehicle as Mike’s, YEM, Jim, or Bowie. And yet, I’m still kind of hoping for a bust-out. Despite that, certain songs – for me, Moma, for example – are a bit of a letdown, because I’d rather hear something else I like better. I suppose if I have to hear a jam, I’d rather that jam stem from a song I’ve yet to hear live than a song I’ve heard 10+ times before.

When I look at the NYE setlist, I think the highlights, musically, were Ghost, Rock and Roll, and Piper, three fairly common songs. I also think Demand was awesome (mostly given the infrequency of its appearance?), and Swept Away into the most uncommonly jammed Steep I’ve ever heard is a high point, largely because it was an especially unique performance. So it’s a mix of both quality jams, song frequency, and performance uniqueness that made this fun. A prior night of the run included Gotta Jibboo > Wilson -> Gotta Jibboo, again, two fairly common songs that provided a notable highlight as well. It’s not just about rarities, that much is certain.

But why should we care about stats, right? What good are stats anyway? All they do, one might argue, is allow you to measure your own satisfaction comparatively, an expressly non-Phishy attitude. What good is seeing Buffalo Bill or Brother if you don’t like those songs as much as, say, Divided Sky or Possum except that one can say they’ve seen a rare song?

I think the conclusion is that it’s a mix of all of that: great jams, cool people, uniqueness of an individual performance, and the fact that the setlist remains an unknown all provide a different dimension of interest, and it’s all of that that can make a Phish concert so fun. It’s not about comparison to others’ shows, but rather, a comparison to my own show history: a re-affirmation of the fact that I can keep seeing the same band without ever tiring of the process. As much as I love the great jam, there’s still a moment in between songs when I’m jumping out of my seat with excitement that the next song could be something crazy.

[1] I realize that there were scores of rarities this tour, but I’m talking a total blow-out, something like “Set 1: Brother, Alumni Blues, Dog Log, Glide, Anarchy, In a Hole, She Caught the Katy, Sparkle^[2], Have Mercy, Harpua > Buffalo Bill“.

[2] …Just seeing if you were paying attention.

This post originally appeared on the phish.net blog.

Lawn Boy
Foam
Army of One
Nothing
Possum
Character Zero

There aren’t many Phish songs I don’t like… in fact, I don’t even dislike all of these, but these are the songs that I like least/want to hear least. Character Zero, for example, is a song I used to like, but now I’m just tired of it and hearing the opening riff at a show is always a bit of a downer until the song part is over and the jam part begins. Got any least favorite songs?

And don’t say Time Turns Elastic!

Destiny Unbound (36)
Camel Walk (50)
Brother (17)
Scents and Subtle Sounds (7)
A Song I Heard the Ocean Sing (11)
Dinner and a Movie (10)
Glide (8)
Harpua (23)
Spock’s Brain (64)
Have Mercy (141)
Walk Away (21)
The Lizards (4)
Crowd Control (13)*

The number following each song is the average show gap between performances since the debut.  As you can see, given the number of shows I currently attend each year and the number I expect to attend in the next few years, it’s increasingly unlikely that I will see… well… ANY of these songs live, ever.  With each passing show, many of these number are increasing just a touch to the right of the decimal point, and the odds I actually see them go down inversely.  Even Lizards, which is still really low, is deceivingly so, given that it was so overplayed in the “old days” and underplayed these days.  In fact, ZZYZX’s stats say the odds of me not seeing Lizards in 35 shows is 0.0%.

I realize that with NYE being my only remaining show this year, any of these showing up is unlikely, because Phish has a history, for several years now, of not  going too crazy on NYE, but rather, doing that in the nights leading up to NYE.  Expect a Harpua on 12/30, and another set of standards for NYE.   The most likely candidates to show up on NYE? I’d have to bet on Lizards, Scents and Subtle Sounds, or Dinner and a Movie before any of the others.  But I’m expecting none of them.  Sigh.

* Edit: Add this song after the fact
Anyway, know that if I catch any of my wishlist on NYE, I will go nuts.

That’s what they tell us, at least. It was performed with the New York Philharmonic in September of 2009. A video surfaced, Trey playing TTE alone, acoustically. And then there’s the Fenway debut.

Somehow, we find ourselves here in November, a few short months after the song was released, and many Phish fans, not just the next generation, are calling TTE the worst Phish song ever. I hear “Time Turns Molasses.” I hear “Time Turns Craptastic.” I hear “Time… to pee.” But why? Why do so many fans hate this song? Why don’t they see what I do in TTE?

I think it’s for a few reasons. Firstly, this song took me a while to “get into.” It’s a long song with many distinct sections, and most people, I honestly think, don’t take the time to listen to it to not only ingest it all, but to even get to know it all. Much of the instrumental part of TTE, I think, is really easier to appreciate as a musician. Counting out some of the bits are a challenge. Many people think the song rambles on for too long aimlessly. Yet I can’t see any section of the song I’d want to trim out. Every bit is great. It’s said that Phish took something like 283 takes to get this track right. I believe this, there are a lot of intricate bits to the song that would be a challenge to capture in one 13 minute chunk.

Which leads me to argument 2 against the song: it’s not been “nailed” yet live. All of the performances thus far have ranged from “pretty lackluster” at worst to “decent” at best. I was excited to get my TTE at Festival 8 only to have it crush under the weight of itself. I love the song, and I’m willing to give Trey the benefit of the doubt and say that the cold air of night one of Festival 8 was responsible for so much of the fudging, but it was hard to hear the climax of the song, “The Carousel,” be executed so sloppily. Having said that, poor live execution does not a bad song make.

Clocking in at over 13 minutes (for the studio version, at least), and usually closer to 18 minutes live thus far, TTE is a big commitment in a set. So it seems reasonable to assume that, in time, Phish will tire of a song like that in regular rotation. When TTE becomes more of a rarity, more like a McGrupp, I bet people will start to think it’s more interesting to hear the song performed live.

The third argument for Time Turns Elastic is that it’s actually a suite of several smaller sections, which, as songs, aren’t nearly as tough to swallow. The song is arranged as follows:

Movement 1a – Song At Dawn
Movement 1b – Ruby Shaded Sea
Movement 2a – Submarine
Movement 2b – Landslide
Movement 2c – Rays Of Blue Light
Movement 3a – Silver Sound Shower
Movement 3b – Hilstorm
Movement 3c – Funnels
Movement 3d – Carousel

Image courtesy of Mr. Miner

Surely, most would agree that the intro and the outro are the most identifiable and the easiest to digest at first glance. It’s just parts of the middle that require some patience and some re-listening. If these parts were played on their own, they wouldn’t be hated.  So narrow it down for me: it’s obviously many smaller bits pieced together: which is the part(s) you don’t like? It can’t be all of them, because the odds of Phish writing so many greats songs and then 3 you hate all coincidentally stitched together are pretty much nil. So those who hate TTE probably aren’t talking about the entire song, but rather, some bit of it.

If anyone has the gall to say “it’s too stretched out,” I’d tell them “you have no place at a Phish show.”  These same people would soil their pants for a 20+ minute jam of 46 Days, Down With Disease, or Split Open and Melt.

Not everyone has to love every Phish song.  Not every fan has to love TTE.  In fact, I understand and concede that TTE is not for everyone.  But it’s annoying me that it’s simply becoming “cool” to not like TTE or to call it the “bathroom break.”

I’ve heard stories that when the Grateful Dead debuted “Terrapin Station,” many fans were unsure of how to receive it.  It wasn’t bluesy, it didn’t rock, it wasn’t a ballad, and it was long.  Years later, many of us regard Terrapin as one of the band’s masterpieces.

I think that many new fans, those that got into Phish during the post-breakup phase, are the ones most vocal about disliking TTE.  And many of them, I do in fact think, are simply naive noobs.   Some have a “kinda” fair argument: I like the song, I don’t like it live.   To them I say: many songs took a while to find their right incarnation and place in the Phish repetoire. Water in the Sky, Shafty, Limb by Limb, Black Eyed Katy/Moma, Tela, and many more went through revision before it found its sweet spot.  On the whole, I don’t think TTE is getting the love and patience it needs and deserves, so I’m making the case.

Resig’s jQuery is so powerful and so easy that even with basic knowledge of CSS and Javascript, anyone can be a virtual scripting master.  It’s so easy, that I’ve slacked on learning about javascript objects, inheritance, closures, anonymous functions, prototypes, and scores of  other Javascript staples that I should’ve long since mastered.   I just discovered John’s new web app, cleverly titled “Learning Advanced Javascript“, and so far, so good!

I wrote this myself and understand why it works, which is much more than I could say yesterday.

var ninja = {
	walk: function(steps,turn) {
		toDo = 'Walking '+steps+' steps forward, then turning '+turn;
		return this;
	  },
	star: function(action,distance) {
		toDo = toDo+' '+action+'ing star '+distance+' feet'; return this;
	  },
	then: function() {
		toDo = toDo+', then '; return this;
	},
	doIt: function() {
		log(toDo);
	}
}
ninja.walk('7','south').then().star('throw','50').doIt();

Output:

> Walking 7 steps forward, then turning south, then throwing star 50 feet

It’s clear to me – and has been for some time – that the future of the web, for better or for worse, rests heavily on the mighty shoulders of client side scripting.   Building on powerful, extensible frameworks like jQuery and MooTools, the next generation of web apps is sure to compete with the desktop.  The ability to understand how to utilize the frameworks when necessary and hack together powerful scriptlets for other purposes seems essential to success in the future web. I know I’ll be investing in “Secrets of a Javascript Ninja” just as a result of this tutorial.

I was a little nervous about this one for a number of reasons, because I didn’t want to go on an adventure like this without my wife; I didn’t want to miss my two year old’s first trick-or-treating adventure; I didn’t want to go cross country alone. But a big one was that I didn’t want to go and be alone the whole time. Sure, there were JAM listers who were going to be there, but sometimes you meet people in real life and it’s awkward, and you realize it was more natural when you were just talking to a screen.

I was lucky enough to have found a hotel where two of my new friends were staying, Scott and Elayne. Elayne and I had arranged to carpool to the event. I had softly pre-planned to meet a few people, so I figured I’d bum a ride the first day and then go my own way so as not to be a leech.

I got to the hotel around 5:30 or so, completely mentally drained and exhausted, and Elayne texted me that they were about to go on “an adventure” and “did I want to come?” I knew blowing off the excursion was exactly the opposite of what I wanted the trip to be, so I threw my stuff in my room and headed out with Elayne, George, and their friend Jess. Jess was working on site, so we stopped by to drop her off. While waiting for her pass, I turned to George and whispered, “Hey, isn’t that Brad Sands?” “I don’t think Brad Sands works for them anymore,” he answered, at full volume. Elayne shot him a dirty look and loudly whispered – “That IS Brad Sands!” He was about 5 feet from us. I imagine it was more awkward for him than us, since we were just excited to be there.

We lightly scoped the festival grounds and inadvertantly learned our way around Indio. I was starting to fade from lack of food, so we found an authentic Mexican restaurant. It’s hard to sum up how grea the meal was largely because I don’t know how good it actually was: at the time, it was incredible. The best guacamole I’ve ever had combined with an array of homemade goods: crunky taco shells that were imperfectly crafted from freshly-fried hand-made corn tortillas, strechy and rich queso, thick and hearty chips… it was all perfect. We followed the meal with a stop off at some of E & G’s friends’, where I finally got to meet ZZYZX. Afew hours later, day one was done and all that remained was the festival itself.

DAY ONE

An easy morning of lounging around laid the base. We stopped at Wal-Mart for some essentials. We tried to go to a burger joint called “Burgers and Beer” for lunch, but both of the locations on Google Maps were out of business, so we settled on Cactus Jack’s. It was the perfect lunch, the “California Chicken” sandwich: a grilled chicken breast with swiss, bacon, and avacado on a bun. Not too heavy, not too light, just right for a pre-concert meal. No one wants to be carrying a lump of food in their stomach during a Phish show.

We got to the site around 1 anticipating traffic, but, much to our surprise, they waved us right in. There was absolutely no back up due to, I’m sure, a combination of excellent planning and a venue that had so many ins-and-outs that there was nary a bottleneck. On the way in, the promise of chocolate chip pancakes, corn dogs, veggie burritos, and much more suggested that there would be an array of foods and goods to make the event sustainable over several hours.

Security was relatively easy: no explanation necessary for my bag full of clothes that also had phone batteries, sealed water, Tylenol, and a pharmacy full of just-in-case stomach medications. Entering the venue from the grounds was almost overwhelming. There was a giant ferris wheel, a pizza stand, a small general store and a water stand. For $10, you could buy a Nalgene bottle that would be freely refillable for the duration of the festival. I bought one right as I entered. It was hard to take it all in – there was so much to do and so much to see. They were serving Sierra Nevada’s custom “Foam” beer. There were bloody marys. There was food – tons of it. I mean tons. Pizza, cheesesteak, chicken fingers, lemonade, ice cream, turkey wraps, burritos, nachos, hamburgers, garlic fries, coffee, gyros, hot waffles and ice cream, chocolate dipped cheesecake on a stick, fire-roasted artichokes… there was enough that you never needed more than 5 minutes in any line for anything you could envision.

It was hot – really hot. But we shuffled through and made our way through the campground. We found Scott, then Herschel. We wandered through the field until we found Jack and Kat.  Then Phillip.  Then Charlie.   Slowly, the people with whom I’ve been working so closely for the last several months started to become real. Before the event began, the first buzzkill of the weekend emerged: a guy dropped like a rock about 5 feet from us and had a wild and violent seizure. It was so crowded that everyone had a “what should we do?” look. Perplexed, we wondered: do we go for help and miss the set after everything? I wish I could even tell you what happened to the guy, because the band took the stage and I tuned out. It got cold fast, set 1 began with jackets on. A fun set from Party Time through Time Turns Elastic, even though the latter was pretty sloppy. Clearly a “warm up” set, we all agreed, but there were some highlights – I specifically remember liking the Page song “Beauty of a Broken Heart”. After some shirtless, drunk d-bag trampled Elayne and landed on ZZYZX’s feet (how fun to watch him man-up and scream at the guy “Get the fuck out of here… you fucking asshole!”), we used to setbreak to relocate to right behind the delay speaker stacks, which afforded us both more space and, frankly, better crisper sound. The screens were such crispy HD signal that it was like watching a DVD, so much so that I probably spent only a small fraction of time scruntinizing the boys on stage. Most of the time, it was either Kuroda’s majesty or the side screens pulling my eyes, so the location was great. So great that we made it our home for the next 6 sets and much of the time in between.

Set 2 was more of the same: standard setlist, “clearly out the back catalog,” many said, but there were some clear highlights for sure. Piper, Wolfman’s, Down With Disease, and Joy – which means so much mor to me now that I know it’s at least partly about daughters – were highlights. It was pretty cold out at that point, but the music was keeping us warm. Post-set, George and Elayne and I got in line for a post-show slice of pizza, and it was the perfect cap to the night. Traffic out was drop-dead easy: we got in the car and waited a grand total of 45 seconds before exiting onto the main road. We stopped at Wal-Mart for the second time that day on the way home to pick up water and some basic breakfast foods. Got home about 1:30 and to sleep around 2. Great day.

DAY TWO

Day two was Halloween, and the most anticipated of the three days for most. We stopped at Wal-Mart yet again for sunscreen and Tylenol for our aching foot muscles. We left around 11 for the grounds because George and Elayne wanted to participate in the horsehoe contest. We got to the grounds and were immediately presented a “Phishbill” revealing the musical costume of 2009: the Rolling Stones’ Exile on Main St. I had combed over many of the remaining albums and was really hoping for Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars, but once eliminated, I was pulling for Thriller or the elusive “100th album.” So Exile was a disappointment for me, at first. I was, however, happy to see Halloween in Miami announced.

Knowing that there were 100 options for food at the event, I split off for my own adventure. I went to a “tweet up” to meet several folks I know from Twitter. It was really cool to meet some of the people I’d spoken with so many times, a theme for the weekend, it seemed. After the tweet-up, I met up with Herschel and Scott and we got some lunch. It was ridiculously hot outside. Despite the heat, there was much to do. But it seemed that one of the most fun things to do was to meet at our central location – a large blanket that G&E had decorated like basketball court for part of their group Halloween costume – and just hang out with the many cool people around. It was a blast to spend some time with new and exciting people like Erik Janus and David & Mel Steinberg, some of whom I knew before via email, some of whom I only met at the event.

AT&T coverage seemed to stretch everywhere except the concert field, where even Edge coverage was spotty. While in GPRS territory, from time to time, my phone would catch a signal and deliver a chunk of pending email. It was a very odd experience to receive a message from people tagging my Facebook photos telling me to have a good time, only to find out that they were the friends of the very people I was sitting with. Watching the “phamily” unfold was really something that can’t be explained to non-Phishheads. George and Elayne rejoined us having secured a spot in the semi-finals.

Set 1 began not much later than expected, and it was a lot of fun. Looking back at the setlist, I have to say that nothing really stands out as truly memorable. Divided was great as always. Kill Devil Falls, my absolute least favorite song off of Joy, was actually really well done and I appreciated it at the time. I remember liking Gin and Coil, and Antelope was as rockin’ as it usually is. But nothing from Set 1 ranks among the top of the weekend. Either way, the atmosphere made it taste like an appetizer.

It got dark and cold, but not nearly as cold as the night before. The band took the stage after a 5 minute tribute video to their costume also-rans. Busting in to Rocks Off was so much fun. It’s one of my favorites off the album, so it was very welcome. The band was joined by Sharon Jones and Shaundra Williams on vocals and The Dap Kings on horns. And then Phish did what they normally do to me: they changed my mind. They made me enjoy Exile. A few days out, I say what I didn’t then: after hearing Phish perform Exile, I’m learning to love it. Is it just wacky psychology? Maybe. But either way, you must hear their take. Torn and Frayed is genius. Shake Your Hips, Let It Loose, Casino Boogie, all great. Loving Cup? Probably the best ever. The entire adventure was fun.

We did nothing between sets except hang out. There was one dude, Z-Dogg – 16 years old and stoned out of his skull – who was just crashing all over everything and everyone’s stuff. It was funny to watch this numbskull mope around looking for weed he could bum off of anyone. And, strangely, I think his mother and father were with him constantly smoking him up. Very weird.

Set 3 may have been the musical highlight of the weekend. It started with an unexpected but triumphant Backwards Down the Number Line, a song that really captures some of Trey’s demons, but in a happy way, if that’s possible. It was well executed and dropped into a well performed and powerful, if relatively standard Fluffhead. Fluffhead morphed into one of the best Ghosts in recent memory. I normally find When the Circus Comes to be a little too slow for most sets. In short, it’s hard to recover the energy after such a slow song. Fear not, after some deliberation, You Enjoy Myself came along and set things right.

For an encore the band re-emerged with Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings and tore through what most people are calling the best Suzy Greenbery ever. It’s hard to argue it, the horns and the backup vox made this a really special and screaming Suzy, and it’s unlikely to be matched without a similiar lineup – ever.

In post show bliss, we got our post-show pizza and took a trafficless post-show drive to our post-show ritual Wal-Mart stop. An all around great day.

DAY THREE

Woke up early Sunday to make it to the acoustic set. G & E and Jess dropped their stuff in my room, they were checking out that day, abnd we were off. We did NOT stop at Wal-Mart that day.

I was thinking that morning about how lucky I was to have met Elayne and George.  It could easily have been weird to be carpooling with people I didn’t know: I had figured, before getting there, that I would bum a ride the first day and then “do my thing” the remaining days.  But they were very cool and it was very chill with them, so I stuck around.  That morning, very casually, George said to me, “One of the coolest things about this festival was meeting you, you’re good people.”  I totally felt the same way, and it was true, for me,  that having a home base with cool people was elemental in the trip being successful.  It was a huge compliment to know that people I was enjoying hanging out with were enjoying hanging out with me too.  Especially those two.

We arrived to the only traffic of the weekend, I’m sure everyone was getting there at the same time for once, so we (ab)used Jess’ artist pass to park in a special lot. We trekked in to the first security backup of the weekend, but it wasn’t too bad, they let us in without much fuss. We made it in time for the set, and it was a great set. It was unlike any other Phish set… well, ever. And when they switched from slow and mellow to upbeat via McGrupp and The Curtain, it made my day. Talk was one of the bigger “bust outs” of the weekend, if you can call it that, and though the sun was killer, the experience was unforgettable. When they played an acoustic encore, we spent the following hour debating how to represent the encore to a set in the setlist. I got a chance to meet Ellis and his family, only missing a few Mockingbirders for the weekend.

Hopes were high for sets two and three, and they didn’t disappoint. Set two began with a short and powerful AC/DC Bag dropping right into a clean and energeic Rift. Then came Gotta Jibboo, one of my favorites of the weekend just because it was really well played. Reba was nice, The Wedge and Guelah, two tunes that have been much rarer in recent years, followed. Undermind is, perhaps, going to go down as my favorite song of the festival. The reworked version is the same they played at the soundcheck, but it’s so funky and fun. A standard Sparkle preceded a very welcome Split Open and Melt. All in all, good set. In between, we got to meet Julia, who, believe it or not, actually exists, and is not, as is often claimed, Mike Gordon.  [If, however, anyone would go to the trouble of hiring a temporary stand-in just to fool with us.. oh, and also create a Facebook and Twitter page for her, well, that'd be Mike.]  Either way, we met a person claiming to be her, unfortunately, she arrived just as the set started, leaving us no time to actually talk to her.

It didn’t get cold for set 3, which was welcome. By this point, everyone was realizing that the weekend was winding down. So we settled in, knowing, as well as one can, that we were in for a Tweezer. And we were, Set 3 opened with Tweezer -> Maze. Then came some very good songs: Free, my first Sugar Shack, a high-energy Limb By Limb, and a heavy Theme From the Bottom. The closing series was Mike’s Song > 2001 > Light > Slave to the Traffic Light, which is very hard to beat. I love Light, this one is being debated on many discussion groups as great vs standard, but I love Light, and given the atmosphere, I call it great. And, as you may know, I’ve already made the case for Slave.

The encore was a slightly different Grind, followed by an unexpected and oddly placed Esther. And then, with the hard-hitting mini-jam of Tweezer Reprise, the weekend was over.

I passed on the pizza on Sunday. Instead, I sat back and took it all in. Festival 8 was over. And it was awesome.

I fell asleep on the drive home (I was Z-dogg’in it, you could say), I said goodbye to G&E and went to sleep.

GOING HOME

The next day, I was set to travel home. When I got to the Ontario airport after my maiden voyage to Avocado Burger. In a welcome coincidence, I was on the same flight as Jack and Kat. I got a chance to spend a few minutes chatting up Mockingbird business with him. Good times. The flight from Vegas to Orlando wasn’t bad at all – smooth and generally uneventful, the way I like my flights.
It’s hard to communicate to those who missed it what 8 was like. They can listen to the MP3s, they can look at pictures, they can hear the stories, but they probably can’t appreciate just how amazing the whole vibe was, how free the whole atmosphere was, they way we were welcomed by the city and the venue, how the weather, and the organization, and the hotels, and the restaurants, and the friends blended together into such an event. I suppose all that can be said is “I hope this happens once again!”

See you at 9?

The first set, as it has been nearly the entire tour, was the Hazards of Love rock opera, in its entirety, in order, without pause. Although I’ve listened to this album through many (what is sure to be over 100) times by now, it certainly tiring in the best possible way for even an audience member to watch it straight through. The music is fantastic, but watching them recreate virtually every note, watching them very intentionally work towards preserving the flawless segues by wearing electric guitars through acoustic songs, it was just awesome.

With no idle chatter, no classic Decemberists raucous through the first set, the second set was decidedly different. With a fun set that featured long and playful sing-alongs, humorous anecdotes, crowd surfing, cartwheels, and even a brief tease of “Simple Gifts,” even the less hardcore fans peppered throughout the crowd could be spotted bopping their heads, laughing, singing, and having a good time. Featuring the first performance of “Everything I Try to Do, Nothing Seems to Turn Out Right” since 2002 and the debut of a song “about Florida”, the set ranged from just plain fun – Meloy handed his guitar to someone in the audience to play – to display of raw talent – Shara Worden and Becky Stark admirably channeling Ann Wilson and crushing Heart’s “Crazy on You” like only a few on this planet could. It was total enjoyment.

The Decemberists are bold in their presentation and put on a show that is incredibly compelling. Some call them – and their performance – arrogant and exclusive. I prefer to think of the Decemberists like a fine wine: it’s challenging, it’s enjoyable, each year is significantly different, and it’s ultimately incredibly satisfying.

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As a parent, you reach a certain point where you find yourself, mid-work-day, shopping online for “Ni-Hao Kai Lan” pajamas and “Wow Wow Wubbzy!” shirts and begin to appreciate some of the kooky shit your parents did for you as a kid.