Entertainment
Lost: Directions for a Friend
Mar 9th
For those of you who haven’t seen tonight’s Lost yet, fair warning: spoilers ahead.
We heard Jacob tell Hurley that a friend was trying to find the Island. And who found the Island? Widmore.
The natural question to ask is: is Widmore really a good guy, or is Jacob really a bad guy?
Rethinking Robocop
Jan 25th
Yesterday, during commercial breaks of the Saints/Vikings NFC championship game, I was flipping over to watch bits of Robocop 2. When I was younger, I remember my friends would gather to watch Robocop and were very excited when the sequel was announced. Watching it now, however, I see how bad that movie was. Or was it?
It struck me how old the entire thing felt, and how silly the technology was. It got me thinking about a franchise reboot, and then it got me thinking about what Robocop would be today, if he were re-envisioned.
The first thing I noticed is that Robocop is slow and deliberate, and when his “joints” move, they produce a hydraulic buzzing sound. So we’ll need him to be smoother in movement, and without announcing his presence. He’ll need to be significantly lighter on his feet than the slow and heavy-stepping original.
The original sported an eye plate, that stretched only a centimeter in height and a few inches in wrap. That will need to change to be supplemented by smaller cameras that can give Robocop a 360 degree view of his surroundings.
Since Robocop was severely damaged after being caught in a magnet, we’ll need a better metal. I propose new Robocop be constructed of a smarter, so-called “space age” metal such as titanium, tungsten, or magnesium.
The original Robocop recorded interaction on an in-body video camera, presumably storing it digitally, which was pretty amazing for the 1987. New Robocop will not only record interaction to a bank of flash memory or some sort of SSD array, but he will be equipped with Wifi and some sort of cellular connection like LTE or WiMax (he’ll be in a big city, so we can presume coverage). He will transmit all of his data periodically, so he won’t need to storage terabytes of memory in-body.
New Robocop will not have exposed skin (or internal mechanics). Period.
Original Robocop stored his gun in his leg. This is an outdated concept based on a concept that looked cool in the 80’s. Today’s Robocop will store multiple weapons throughout his body, small rubber-bullet-like projectiles perhaps in his forearm. We can equip his chest or fingers with mace or tear gas. If he requires an actual gun, it will be not be trigger deployed. It will be activated only when connected to Robocop, and very likely controlled via WifiDirect or Bluetooth. There’s simply no good reason to rely on old fashion triggers that can be exploited. In the event of system malfunction, a manual weapon will be present, but since Robocop shouldn’t be relying on his gun most of the time, he will have a nightstick of some sort.
New Robocop should not have an over-synthesized voice.
One of the constant flaws we saw in Robocop 2, as they attempted to build a second Robocop, was the lack of control they had over the machine. We fix this by running the Robocop program on a Linux-based system and jailing/chrooting it. New Robocop can do what he wants, but if he gets out of hand, we still have control. We allow remote SSH logins from authorized IPs, and sudo up to root guaranteeing ourselves a remote shutdown option. No sloppy infrared remote control here, just pure IP access.
Once Robocop is a computer, we’ll need a few more accommodations, because that becomes the chief point of vulnerability. We’ll need pretty sophisticated software here to prevent someone from hacking into Robocop, but that’s of course the plot of the movie, I’d suggest: someone hacks into Robocop remotely and alters the programming, and despite Robocop’s knowledge that he’s been compromised, he’s unable to prevent his own actions since he’s jailed into a subdirectory. The twist at the end, I’d suppose, is that some hot-shot teenage hacker finds an exploit and jailbreaks Robocop remotely, thereby giving Robocop the ability to control himself, at which point, he pretends to be following orders, but instead, tracks down the guy controlling him. Right before his death, the guy should shout something like “But… I’m your masterrrrrrrrrrrrrr….!”
One of the unaddressed issues I saw with the robotic cops in the movie was the perpetual need for a lubricant like oil. It seems submersion in water would simply short out all of these solutions. So I’ll reiterate the lack of exposed skin and mechanics, and we’ll spend some time making our Robocop water resistant and reuse some sort of internally stored WD-40-like fluid, which is also “green.” It would be a shame to build a billion dollar robocop only to have him quashed by a bucket of water.
I’d like to see Robocop be a little less terrifying to the average citizen. Robocop ought to represent something, and cops are supposed to be there to protect and serve the average citizen, not just to get the bad guys. So Robocop ought not be stomping around the police station and calling people “punk,” nor should he be be marching into an arcade, smarmily offering “Isn’t today a school day?” Nein, Robocop should be there for citizens, first and foremost. We’ll disable his sarcasm and “witty quip” programs. Robocop should offer an air of protection, not a fear he’ll malfunction.
Lastly, if I’m going to invest a billion into a Robocop, I think I might put him in something a touch nicer than an old, banged up Ford Taurus.
Bring It On: All or Nothing
Aug 23rd
If “Bring It On: All or Nothing” isn’t the worst movie ever, it’s certainly the worst acted.
4 8 15 16 23 42
May 7th
What will eventually be revealed on Lost? Kristin from E! Online reveals quite a bit without getting spoiler-y. But this gem should satisfy the mythology geeks:
Damon said, “Here’s the story with numbers. The Hanso Foundation that started the Dharma Initiative hired this guy Valenzetti to basically work on this equation to determine what was the probability of the world ending in the wake of the Cuban Missile Crisis. Valenzetti basically deduced that it was 100 percent within the next 27 years, so the Hanso Foundation started the Dharma Initiative in an effort to try to change the variables in the equation so that mankind wouldn’t wipe it itself out.” This information, in more convoluted form, was leaked out via the online games rather than explained on the show itself, says Damon, because, “That would be the worst thing ever. We have to make the show for the hardcore fans who care about the numbers, but we also have to make it for my mom, who just wants Sawyer to take his shirt off.”
Has Lost Lost You?
Apr 17th
Many people are complaining about Lost’s wacky twists this season, many with good reason. In order to prepare for their big reveals, it’s time for them to start telling the real story, and much of it deals with time travel, which is always a sticky subject, given that its entirely science fiction. But it’s tough, because we have all envisioned a perfect mystery, and it’s likely that some things won’t make sense. I’m still on board, I’m still hooked.
Here are some things I feel I can predict in the storyline of Lost, and some things that are standing out.
- I think the “Incident,” we all can guess, has to do with the bomb called Jughead. I suspect it has some sort of detonation or radiation leak.
- I think that Pierre Chang will instruct his wife and child to leave the island because he knows that the Incident is coming, possibly because Daniel tells him so. I think it would even cooler if Miles told Chang to clear them out, for obvious reasons. Then Miles would have spent his whole life hating his father for doing what he would eventually tell him to do.
- I think it’s possible that Miles’ mother’s cancer is directory related to Jughead and the Incident.
- I use to think that the Swan’s layers of concrete were to encase Jughead. Sayid said the only time he’d seen that much concrete was at Chernobyl. But the construction of the Swan in 1977 reveals that the bomb has found another home for at least 20-something years. Now I think that again, because I think there’s a trick here: the “Hostiles” were the ones who had the bomb in the 50’s. Perhaps Horace and Chang know the bomb is out there and intend to steal it and encase it at the Swan, evacuating the radiation every 108 minutes. I’m still foggy on this, but obviously, whatever the Swan’s original purpose is must be explained shortly.
- I am a little disappointed at how underwhelming the Dharma Initiative is turning out to be. They were initially described as a team of elite scientists. Instead, we’re treated to a slew of janitors, cooks, blue collar workers. Is it possible that only Dr. Chang and Horace know what the heck is going on? Even the Dharma people themselves are unaware? That makes the DI no better than any old cult, which is a letdown. They were doing high level experiments. Who is conducting all the research? If the hatches aren’t all constructed yet, when will those experiments begin, because we all know that the Purge is coming, and it has to be before that.
- It seems unreasonable and irresponsible for the Dharma Initiative to brand everything. That seems like a colossal waste of both time and money. And why jumpsuits? Who is going to see them? Why not just t-shirts?
- We had better see a connection with the DeGroots and Alvar Hanso or I will be one pissed off dude.
- I think we will see the following things and events explained, and in the following order: the Hatch, the Incident, the Purge, the Statue, the Dharma Initiative, Jacob, the Island. The numbers have been revealed to be the Valenzetti Equasion variables. We will never get an answer to some minor things, but I suspect all major plot points will be explained. Included in eventual reveals, I predict: Annie, Ellie == Eloise?, Adam and Eve, the smoke monster, the blast door map, Alvar and Magnus Hanso, and where the eff Bernard and Rose have been. I think it’s possible they may never explain why Walt is “special,” but I bet we learn why Desmond is.
- I believe in artistic license. So unlike some friends of mine (wink wink, E) I don’t mind minor mess ups that don’t really affect the greater plot. There are some weird Rousseau things: in one season, she said the others were nothing but whispers, but certainly, she saw and spoke to Ben. Okay, so they hadn’t fleshed it all out in season 1. But I suspect they know where they are going with the big reveals.
Just a few thoughts. If you’ve got some, feel free to chime in.
Lost exclusive: War erupts over Charlotte’s real age!
Mar 24th
According to EW: ‘Lost’ exclusive: War erupts over Charlotte’s real age!
Holy cow! So Charlotte’s age has been a big mystery, since she was born in 1979, but clearly, Faraday saw her in 1974. You know how big of a deal this is!?
It’s not! Holy shit, people, has it come to this? This is a big deal? This is the first continuity mistake of note on Lost (yes, there are some other very minor ones that I generally attribute to poetic license, like traveling distances over the island in short periods). That said, it’s just not a big deal. It doesn’t ruin the plot, it doesn’t change any of the mystery, it’s just a simple mistake that really isn’t that big of a deal. So Charlotte is a little older than we thought. Or she got her own birth year wrong. Whatever.
Can we get to talking about the important things, like where is Faraday in 1977? Where are Bernard and Rose? Why didn’t Sun go back to 1977? Why can’t Widmore come back to the island? And… ahem… four toed statue?!
Lost Theory: I See Dead People
Mar 5th
This is my first stab at a basic Lost theory. I’ve had some other ideas before (such as the Jughead bomb being buried beneath the Swan, the code is there to exhaust the radiation, the concrete it insolation), but I think this one, though far-fetched today, has some basic ideas that could explain a lot.
I think Locke is dead. He died back in LA, and his body was transported back to the island. Due to the “unique electromagnetic properties” of the island, his consciousness is able to manifest as “real” on the island, but make no mistake: he’s dead, and can never leave.
So is Christian. It was fortunate that his body was taken to the island, because there, he has re-manifested.
So is Juliet. She can’t leave. Ben wouldn’t let her leave for years. She naively believes she’s being held prisoner, but ultimately, she cannot leave the island, because outside of the island, she is dead. How did she die? I’m not sure, but one possibility is that she was poisoned. She did drink something before the Mittlos Bioscience team – the ‘Others’ – took her to the island. They explained it made the journey easier, but it certainly didn’t look like they needed it. Perhaps they killed her and then she ‘woke up’ when she was within reach of the island.
So is Rose. She had terminal cancer. But here on the island, she’s just fine. Leads me to believe that her body has been reanimated.
So is Jin. He was killed in the freighter explosion. But when his body washed ashore, he was brought back to life by the island.
…And so is Penny. Ben killed her before he took the O6 back, as he promised Widmore he would. How else will Desmond ever be coaxed to return to the island? Why, the promise of resurrecting Penny, of course! Mrs. Hawking told him the island wasn’t done with him, he was just too short-sighted to see why.
The above does pose a few questions:
Firstly, who else is dead? Surely, if we can spot some of the dead, other people are also dead.
How is Jacob connected to this? Is Jacob dead? Is Jacob the spirit inhabiting those bodies? Is Jacob merely the first one to die and “come back to life?”
How come only some people “come back to life?” My first though was that one can only come back if he dies OFF of the island. But then I considered that Mikhail might also be one of the dead ones, and he died in the sonic fence. But then he appeared again later, very much alive. He died on the island.
Why would the Others have to poison Juliet at all? Perhaps there’s some benefit to being dead and reanimated on the island?
A few other dead people have appeared on or around the island: Hurley’s friend Dave, Yemi, Ana Lucia, Libby, Horace, etc – all appeared after their “death.” Were they actually there in consciousness? Or was that just the the smoke monster playing tricks, as many have theorized?
Shows That Should Be Canceled
Feb 13th
I watch a few TV shows that are in desperate need of a kick in the ass. Let’s review:
Heroes has, for some time now, sucked. Long ago, the writers decided to give up on character consistency, and they decided that they would have the characters stop on a dime and act completely contrary to their previous actions. Case in point: Nathan, who quickly turned on his fellow mutants and now wants Peter dead, apparently. I can’t even get into Heroes other than to say it’s such a mess it really should be canceled altogether.
Kyle XY is a show I started watching when I was a sick a few years ago, and I kept on for the mystery. The problem is: the writers revealed too much too soon, and when the basic mysteries were solved, the second season introduced a worthless character, Jesse XX, as a plot device. Then the plot become bigger as they introduced “Adam Baylin”, and explained a backstory to Zzyzx. When that concluded, we learned that Madacorp was behind it all. When that was done, we learned that it was actually “Latnok” was behind it all. In other words, the lazy writers just keep making up more complex backstory as they go. I hate to be a broken record, but compare this to LOST, where a clear vision in the first place prevented sloppy cut-and-go storytelling that leaves everyone confused. The good news is, this show was canceled, so hopefully they can conclude it nicely and wrap everything up cleanly.
Grey’s Anatomy, an interesting show in season 1, has gotten worse with age. Each season has been less intriguing and more annoying. Every single character sounds like Shonda Rhymes now, they all have the same affectational pitter-patter sing-song intonation. I hate Izzie, who was once interesting. I hate George, who has become an extra. I hate Bailey, who vascillates between a professional and over-attached. I hate Meredith, who is whiny. I hate Cristina, who is a cold bitch. I hate Callie, who whines and made the fastest jump to Lesbianism ever. I hate the Chief, who is a total pushover. Actually, I like little Grey, Shephard, and Sloan, and I’m learning to like Dr Arizona, but mostly because she’s kinda hot. Either way, this show jumped the shark long ago, and I wish they’d put it to sleep.
Prison Break has introduced more plot twists than any show ever in history, but once you get used to it, it’s kinda fun. However, it’s carried on for 4 seasons now, far longer than the concept of a “prison break” should have permitted. I am glad they pulled the plug on this, not because it’s not fun, but because some premises simply can’t sustain forever.
On a lighter note, I originally had called “Fringe” a disappointment, but I must say, I’m feeling good about it lately. It’s interesting, the characters are getting to be consistent and interesting, and the overall storyline is shaping up like the X Files: small mystery solved each week, large mystery gets more complex. I hope this show gets even more time to bloom.